Learn to recognise when she needs you… without her having to ask

During labour, especially as contractions become more intense, your partner may become more focused on her body and less available to talk. She might close her eyes, repeat certain movements, breathe or vocalise in her own unique way.

A woman may become more focused, less verbal and spontaneously look for a rhythm that helps her cope with each contraction.

In these moments, she might not be able to, or want to, constantly explain what she needs. This is where knowing her makes all the difference. You can offer water, dim the lights, change or turn off the music, reduce conversations around her, offer a massage, help her change positions or simply stay close. You might also notice that, in that moment, she does not want to be touched.

Supporting doesn't mean constantly asking "What do you need?", "Are you okay?" or "What do you want me to do?". Sometimes, too many questions are just another stimulus she has to respond to.

Observe first

Notice what seems to help her, and once she finds her own rhythm, try to protect it rather than interrupt it.

Does she like silence when she is focused? Touch? Hearing words of encouragement? Is there any music that calms her down? When she is tired or uncomfortable, does she prefer suggestions or just company? You won't be able to anticipate everything, not least because what she needs may also change throughout labour, but you will learn to recognise her cues better.

Protecting the birth environment so that the woman feels safe and confident is also a way of caring, and the partner has a fundamental role in helping to create and preserve that space.